My life seems to be an endless cycle right now. I miss her. I don't miss her. I get lonely. I miss her. I don't miss her. I get lonely. I miss her. Rinse. Repeat.
I removed and blocked her on Facebook. I had to. I can't deal with the feelings that come up when she changes her picture. I can't deal with the feelings that come up when I read about something she does. I also removed a large number of friends. It is just so hard and it continues to be hard. I don't know what I need to do to get past this.
Oh... and I probably should make note of the fact that I am now officially divorced. Papers signed and submitted. I thought maybe I would hear something from her, but I haven't. My guess is maybe I won't hear from her at all anymore. Her friend borrowed some of my movies back when we were together, so I need to get those back. We have a liason who can do the transporting of goods from one to the other. Still... it's just... it's really fucking hard. I don't deserve this. I didn't want this. I can't keep feeling sorry for myself and I am trying to get past that. Some days, I actually succeed. I just have moments where it is really hard.
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