2010... The Year of Divorce

I wonder if there is any way that we can get an accurate count of long term celebrity couples that broke up or filed for divorce this year. Last year was the year of death. This year, divorce. I mean, really. Think about it. It seems like every couple of days another couple comes to an end. These people are gonna rebound just fine because they are attractive and have shit tons of money. How about the rest of us?

These days...

These days I just feel regret. Regret for what happened. Not for anything I did that may have caused this to end. I regret what made it begin. The things I regret are the things I spent the last three years cherishing. Why did she come to that play? She always said that she almost didn't. Now, I wish she wouldn't have. Why did things fall into place so well for so long just to fall apart so suddenly. I regret giving so much of myself to her that I lost me. I wish I had never met her. I wish I had the knowledge then that I have now. I am finding me again. Not the me I was. Some people may not understand that. I will never be my old self again. I am not looking for the same kind of things I was so determined to find. My thoughts on love are jaded. You may ask yourself, how can one person ruin so much? It's not the person. It's the feeling. I am in a construction phase. I am learning how to build walls and look at things differently than I did before. Every girl I meet is no longer initially perceived as a potential love interest. I don't have to constantly be so nice and so giving to everyone. THAT behavior leaves you nothing but broken. If I am going to be alone for awhile, I am going to do so by own rules and my own choosing. I will not let another one in who exists just to crush me. I'm blocking that part of me off. I'm letting it die.

Did you forget...?

I remember talks we had. Promises we made. Plans we discussed. Dreams we shared. I remember all of these things that she has forgotten.