Probably not a good sign when my eyes well up with tears, my heart beats fast, and I panic when I log into an Instant Messaging system I haven't been on in awhile and I see her name and that she is online. Imagine my scramble in deleting her.
This just sucks. Can I just say that? Can I continue to express how horrible this all feels? Like, when I spend time with my friends, I truly am at the top of my game. My days off when I am just here alone, I am a pile or worthless shit. I don't do a fucking thing but stay on my social networking sites.
It's a fucking joke. She's winning. She's the one who pulled the trigger and injured this dog. She continues about her merry ways and I am devastated. Still. Forever. I lied when I said she couldn't pull off dark hair. She can. I saw a second picture when I was removing her from AIM. She's thinner and has darker hair. FUCK!
This is so hard. It is. I still wish this upon no one. It is shaping me to be a stronger person, but I also fear colder, more callous, less romantic, bitter. More defensive. More aggressive.
I hate her. I hate her and what she did to me and I DO NOT forgive her.
No comments:
Post a Comment